It’s something many parents will be familiar with.
You’re out in public, when your child sees someone with disability and loudly blurts something out about why that person looks different.
The questions come from a place of innocence, but they’re awkward and can evoke negative feelings for the person with disability
So, how should parents respond in that sort of situation?
We asked people with different disabilities about their experiences and advice.
Acknowledge the difference
Maree Jenner is short statured and attracts different “looks” and comments from kids almost every time she leaves the house.
“I often get comments along the lines of ‘why are you so small?’ or ‘mum, why is that person little?’,” she said.
As a short-statured woman, Maree Jenner is no stranger to children’s curiosities. (ABC NEWS: Billy Cooper)
Ms Jenner said acknowledging and communicating with a child who has noticed a disability was important.
“I was recently in the city and a young person saw me,” Ms Jenner said.
“He pulled at his dad, and the dad knelt [down] and the father said to him, ‘yeah, she’s different’. ‘We’re all different’.
“I said, ‘that’s wonderful, Dad’… that’s what we need to do — acknowledge there is a difference and then we move on.”
Use simple, positive language
Sally Karandrews is blind and navigates public spaces using a cane or guide dog, depending on the situation.
“I often get, ‘mum, what’s that? Why is she allowed her dog in here? Why does she need that stick thing? And then sometimes it’s, ‘what’s wrong with her?’,” she said.
Sally Karandrews’ guide dog helps her navigate public spaces. (ABC NEWS: Alison Branley)
Ms Karandrews said her top tip for parents was to have clear, age-appropriate conversations with kids about what they saw, using positive language.
“Don’t be afraid of describing things exactly as they are. You could say, ‘yes, that lady can’t see very well, so perhaps you could step out of her way’,” she said.
While not every person with disability will be open to it, Ms Karandrews said she didn’t personally mind if parents asked her for help explaining her disability.
“If parents feel like they don’t have the language or the tools, it can be okay to ask that question of the person they see — recognising though, that they don’t know what’s going on in that person’s world, and they might have to politely and respectfully decline.”
Don’t shut down conversation
Mandy McCracken is a pirate and robot — or at least that’s how she describes herself to curious kids.
Ms McCracken, who became a quadruple amputee after contracting sepsis at age 39, uses prosthetic limbs and hooks to perform daily tasks.
She often uses humour to keep the conversation going after attention is drawn to her disability.
“I sat next to a family just recently in a coffee shop [and] could see the kids were really intrigued by my hook,” she said.
Mandy McCracken tells kids she’s like a pirate or robot to help them understand her disability. (ABC NEWS: Patrick Rocca)
“I just pulled my arm off, I pulled my hook off, and I just gave it to the mum, and said ‘just pass it around your kids’.
“I left it with them for probably about 15 minutes, and they were all looking at it and trying it out. They gave it back to me and said thanks, which was great.”
Shortly after acquiring her disability, Ms McCracken had to help explain her new life to her own young kids.
She said equally important as acknowledging a child’s curiosity was not looking away.
“Please don’t say to your kids, ‘don’t ask’ or ‘don’t look’ — that’s the worst thing you can do,” Ms McCracken said.
Mandy McCracken says disability is now a normal part of her children’s lives. (ABC NEWS: Patrick Rocca)
“Sometimes [parents] make up a story that’s not true, which is pretty frustrating. Maybe teach your kids to politely ask, or to not look at a person and think that something’s wrong.
“Having a disability is not wrong, it’s just different. There’s a lot of dialogue that you can have with your children that’s positive around disability.”
Ms Karandrews agreed.
“The worst way a parent can react for me, and I think it comes from a good place, is when they see me approaching, and they yank their child out of the way,” she said.
“I’m sure they’re just trying to keep us from colliding … but it also makes me wonder whether that reaction instils a bit of fear and panic into the child, so when they see another person, or me again, walking with a guide dog or cane, they’re afraid.”
Ignoring disability can have consequences
Not teaching children about disability can have unintended consequences years later.
The disability royal commission heard evidence that normalising disability in kids was important, as not doing so increased the likelihood of them developing an “othering” mentality and carrying out abuse and exploitation later in life.
Ms McCraken said parents had the power to be positive role models to their children.
“If you [have conversations about disability] early, it means that when they get to that more grown-up curiosity stage, it can be a lot more respectful,” she said.
Sally Karandrews says children are often confused by her cane. (ABC NEWS: Alison Branley)
Ms Karandrews said while the interactions she has with younger kids in public generally came from a place of innocence, that wasn’t always the case with older children.
“The worst cases see them use language that’s really derogatory … they just make some really nasty and unnecessary comments just to try and look cool in front of their friends,” she said.
The short-statured community is forced to deal with various forms of abuse from people without disability, much of which comes from older children or young adults.
Maree Jenner says it’s important to normalise disability early in someone’s life (ABC NEWS: Billy Cooper)
Ms Jenner has been laughed at, filmed without her permission while riding her bike and called the “m-word” by strangers.
In recent years, she has created disability awareness programs for kids, teaching them to develop empathy and embrace difference.
She now travels to schools across New South Wales to run the programs for a range of year levels.
“Now children in my community see me and … come and talk to me all the time if I’ve been at the school,” Ms Jenner said.
“It’s just so important to normalise disability — the earlier, the better.”
