Tilly helped her dad buy a house, but has given up on the idea of buying a property of her own

It’s Pay Day! The ABC’s column where we ask Australians the money questions we don’t like to talk about. We aim to demystify personal finance and normalise conversations about what we earn and how we save it — or spend it.

After growing up in rural New South Wales, Tilly Lawless moved to Sydney to study history at the age of 19. She soon got into sex work to supplement her scholarship and cover the costs of living away from home — and has been working in the industry since. She has also built a career as a writer, covering issues sex workers face and fighting to reduce stigma.

For Pay Day, Tilly reflects on how she helped her dad buy a house while giving up on the idea of buying her own property, and how it’s only in her 30s that she feels she can be selfish with money.

How would you describe your financial situation right now?

I would consider myself comfortable. I don’t own property and will most likely continue to be a renter, but I have enough savings that I can pay an unexpected bill without stress and I can miss time off work without worrying.

After 11 years in the sex industry I also have faith that money will come to me; I can trust that a flow will follow an ebb.

How was money spoken about in your house growing up?

With increasing stress the older I got; my parents fought about it a lot.

What did you spend your first pay cheque on?

My first job was babysitting so I was paid in cash, and I would’ve spent it on rent or groceries. If you want to go back earlier than that, the first money that came into my account would’ve been a Centrelink payment when I was 16, and I would’ve spent that on goon most likely.

What has been your biggest financial disaster?

I think lending a family member amounts over the years that were too large for them to pay back easily, without considering that perhaps it isn’t good to lend without restraint and questions, and that putting some limitations in place would be good for both of us.

What’s your guilty splurge?

When I first started sex work I told myself there were two luxuries I could allow myself without hesitation or guilt: never catching public transport home from a kick on ever again, and getting take away as much as I wanted. I don’t know if I have anything I spend on that I feel guilty about as I’m pretty strict with myself. The feeling of guilt if I do spend on something I consider unnecessary reins me in.

How much was the last loaf of bread you bought?

$5 Abbott’s Bakery loaf from Woolies.

Cash or card?

Always cash. I think it makes life harder for sex workers — and homeless people — how many places won’t take cash these days. I also am of the mindset that the government doesn’t have a right to know how we spend all our money and cash allows us that privacy — and I don’t like that credit card companies make money off every transaction when you use card.

How many bank accounts do you have? How do you organise your money?

I have a spending account and a saving account and then I also have cash.

What’s your biggest source of money anxiety?

My biggest source of money anxiety through my twenties was knowing my dad had no money and nowhere permanent to live. Now that I have helped him buy a property and know he is set for the rest of his life my biggest money anxiety has eased and, for the first time in my life in my thirties, I feel I can be purely selfish in spending (ie, only think about looking after myself).

What are you saving for right now and how are you doing it?

Nothing in particular. I have given up on the idea of buying somewhere for myself to live as it is unfeasible to do alone and I don’t like the idea of being chained to debt for the rest of my life. And now that I no longer want children, I don’t have to save for that.

After 15 years of being stressed about money and living under constant fear of scarcity it is instinctual for me to save regardless of a goal though.

What’s your biggest financial achievement?

I think going from a financial position in which I had no-one to borrow from and no-one to fall back on in any way, to a position where I can lend a couple of grand to a friend or family member without hesitation is something to be proud of.

If you could tell 18-year-old you one thing about money, what would it be?

To worry less about it; worrying about it doesn’t make you make more money. If anything, I earn more the less stressed I am because the vibe I give out to clients is better. However that’s virtually impossible to implement when you’re truly struggling, I think it’s a lesson that can only come with time and stability.

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Tilly Lawless is a Sydney-based sex worker and writer. She is the author of two novels: Nothing But My Body (2021) and Thora (2024).