These are all ‘school can’t’ kids, but they’re thriving in different ways

Starting school can be an exciting time for parents and children — but sometimes it doesn’t go as planned.

Thousands of Australian kids go on to experience what many families and experts call ‘school can’t’, which can occur at any age.

Until recently, it was known as ‘school refusal’, however advocacy group School Can’t Australia argues the phenomenon isn’t a deliberate choice made by children, and the old term isn’t accurate.

While many children eventually go back to the classroom, a lot aren’t able to return.

But what happens when those burnt-out kids are unable to participate with a full-time, structured homeschooling education?

The answer for some parents and kids is ‘unschooling’ — where children direct their own learning.

Here are some of their incredible stories of success.

JayBird Byrne — Qld, age 14

JayBird hated doing music at school, in fact, it was probably her least favourite subject.

Now, she’s about to release her fourth single on Spotify.

“If I could give my parents one piece of advice about parenting me, it would be to get me out of school earlier because the trauma and PTSD still lives on to this day,” JayBird said.

JayBird had attended three different schools by the time she was in grade 2.

She was diagnosed as “twice exceptional”, meaning she is a intellectually gifted child with learning disabilities.

Sensory overload, social anxiety and bullying were just some of the issues making school too hard to attend.

Her parents enrolled her in distance education, but JayBird said her pathological demand avoidance or PDA (a profile of autism) still made it difficult.

“It was a big demand and I struggled a lot, not so much with grades but I just struggled to get it done,” she said.

When JayBird asked to leave school completely, her parents agreed.

For the past two years, JayBird has been directing her own learning at home — maths and English in the morning before a three-hour guitar session.

“It kind of works really well for her ADHD side because she’s fresh in the morning,” Sam said.

JayBird and her dad are also learning guitar repair and maintenance together.

“That’s sort of my ‘design tech’, troubleshooting a lot with that,” JayBird said.

Now the 14-year-old writes music, gigs regularly and has more than 12,000 Instagram followers.

“I’m most likely going to do music as my career,” she said. “And my back-up plan if music doesn’t work — psychiatry.”

April — Vic, age 14

Like a lot of kids, when April was little, she wanted to run a stall out the front of her house.

She was happy to sell just about anything, so her mum suggested April put her origami skills to work.

She and her brother made $30 and immediately ran another one.

At the same time, April was struggling to go to school.

There were only 12 kids in her class, but the anxiety was real.

“She was running up after me into the car park,” said her mum, Rachael.

Rachael describes the situation as traumatic for everyone — and confusing.

“When we’d pick April up at the end of the day, she’d go on about all these wonderful things she’d done at school,” Rachael said.

“But then same thing the next day — tummy aches and the works, crying at bedtime, all of that. We were there for another two years and then lockdowns happened and that was the point where we couldn’t go back.”

Before the pandemic, April had moved her origami creations to a local market. Next they were stocked in a shop.

At age 10, April began running paid origami jewellery workshops.

After being taught web design by her dad, April began Folded By Me, a business selling origami and paper art online.

“I thought, you know, are we cutting off pathways? Are we enabling her anxiety? Are we dropping out of society? But now, I have no worries whatsoever.

“[If April] wants to know how to do international shipping, she researches it. She’s learned how to do photography. So, you know, if you want to learn, you can learn.”

Lani — SA, age 12

Lani finished grade 1 at school on a suspension.

It was her fifth suspension that year.

“Lani has always been rather ‘feisty’ for want of a better word,” said mum Natalie.

Dyslexia made reading difficult.

“Her not being able to read in year one, on top of all of her autistic anxiety and struggling to do what you’re told in a mainstream class … she was just constantly in fight or flight,” Natalie said.

After finally getting an appropriate level of funding and support for Lani, in grade 2 things settled down.

It lasted all the way until high school.

Then things started falling apart.

While Lani’s interest in cooking had been incorporated into her learning in primary school, it wasn’t accommodated in high school.

“We offered to buy ingredients because I know funding is a thing, but no, not allowed to happen,” said Natalie.

“Every effort was just constantly made to get her back into a mainstream class and she didn’t want to be there. It was noisy. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do most of the time.”

By term two, Lani had dropped to three days a week at school.

Shortly after that, in June this year, she stopped going altogether.

Natalie and Lani’s occupational therapist gradually engaged Lani in cooking again and she signed up to a cafe mentoring program.

“Lani does a 90-minute mentoring session each week at a beautiful place called Kitchen Farm Pantry,” said Natalie.

“They’ve done a bit of back-of-house stuff, so cooking and food prep, all that kind of thing. And she’s now doing front of house so she takes orders, takes out drinks.

“This is just the lovely, real-world, hands-on stuff that she’s been learning.

“She’s now got a goal that she wants to work in the cafe in whatever capacity and she’s not even 13 yet.”

Luca — Vic, age 10

Cindy knew early on her son Luca was going to struggle at school.

“He’s so bright. His IQ is in the 98th percentile and so we knew going in that it was going to be difficult,” she said.

She was right.

“He’s such an inquisitive little boy,” Cindy said.

“He was obsessed with space. And every time there’d be a project at school they’re like, ‘No, he can’t do space. He has to do an animal.’

“I was down at school advocating for him several times a week.

“It just ruined him. He was such an angry child.”

Things didn’t improve immediately for Luca, who was then undiagnosed autistic, when he stopped attending.

“The first couple of years after Luca left school, I mean, it was just so awful,” Cindy said.

She said Luca spent a lot of time reading — but not doing much else.

Then, one day, he picked up a guitar.

“He’s blown us all away with how much he’s learned. It’s unbelievable,” Cindy said.

“He learns things on YouTube, reads guitar magazines. He’s constantly looking for new tricks and skills and new riffs.

“His guitar teacher said he’s never had a student learn so quickly and I attribute that to homeschooling.

“Whenever he feels the urge, he can just go and play for two hours straight.”

Cindy said Luca will be in the crowd when Metallica tours in 2025.

Bridget — Vic, age 14

Bridget’s inability to go to school left mum Alicia feeling conflicted.

After all, she was a teacher and loved school.

“I just felt mixed or torn, seeing how hard it was for her but knowing how much I love being in the classroom,” Alicia said.

Bridget started finding school unbearable towards the end of grade 6.

She was smart, and interested, but it had become apparent she was struggling with noise and crowds.

“We tried a different local public high school, which is a lot smaller and also had an accelerated learning class,” Alicia said.

It worked for grade 7 but the following year the program changed and Bridget found herself back in a noisy classroom.

After a quick stint at virtual schooling, she tried mainstream school one more time, before calling quits on campus time.

“The homeschooling is going beautifully now. It’s just amazing,” Alicia said, adding that it had improved Bridget’s wellbeing and sleep patterns.

And, like her ‘school can’t’ peers, it’s not your average curriculum.

Bridget volunteers one day a week at a horse rescue property, takes horseriding lessons and is part of an Adopt a Pony program.

“She likes science and history but her special interest is horses,” Alicia said.

“We’ve applied for her to do VET Equine studies at TAFE next year.

Jordy — Vic, age 17

It was just a birthday party at a gymnastics centre but for five-year-old Jordy, attending was a big decision.

“It was new and he’d never done anything like that before,” said mum Pavlina.

Jordy was struggling at school and when he was six, he stopped going altogether.

“He came out like a lot of [school can’t] kids,” Pavlina said. “Burnt out, unable to really engage with a lot of stuff.”

Pavlina decided to homeschool and started to formulate a plan.

But it didn’t work out that way.

“Jordy was so dysregulated that no matter what I tried, it wouldn’t have happened,” Pavlina said.

“I was like, ‘OK, while I figure out what we’re doing next, I’m just going to leave him be, pretend like it’s summer holidays and give him some time to decompress.’

“We’d cook, we’d go for bike rides. I was basically waiting. And while I was waiting, I was observing.

“And I actually realised that the learning was happening already.”

Pavlina said despite the lack of structure, Jordy was already engaged in learning.

“We actually just naturally fell into an unschooling style. And he and his sister both have been the drivers of their own education.”

That was 12 years ago and Pavlina is now the coordinator of the Home Education Network.

As for Jordy, that gymnastics party introduced him to a future career.

He asked to do gymnastics again and was signed up for classes.

Aged 14, he began coaching, a job he had to interview for.

It started with an hour on Saturdays and he’s now working four nights a week.

“He trains during the day and he also competes and he also judges,” Pavlina said.

He now has 10 qualifications in coaching and judging, including his Advanced coaching accreditation.

Next year he’s thinking about going for his international coaching qualification.

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