Chappell Roan has caused quite the stir this week after suggesting her pals who are parents of young kids are having a bloody awful time of it.
The 27-year-old Pink Pony Club singer was asked whether she would like to eventually have a family, and admitted she didn’t know.
She added that all of her friends who have children under the age of five are “in hell”, when appearing on the Call Her Daddy podcast, and said: “I actually don’t know anyone who’s like, happy and has children at this age.
“I literally have not met anyone who’s happy, anyone who has, like, light in their eyes, anyone who has slept.”
Perhaps unsurprisingly, a lot of parents – mothers in particular – did not take kindly to the comments.
One parent on TikTok retaliated that she is a mother and is perfectly happy, and that Chappell’s comments “devalue the role of motherhood”.
Another commenter, @tallowmom on X, said the singer’s statement is “a prime example of why you cannot just vent to anyone” as a parent.
Parents *Are* In Some Kind Of Hell Right Now
Now listen, while I don’t agree with Chappell’s comments about parents not being happy while having young kids (I’ve got two, I love them and they are an utter joy to be around), I do agree that plenty of parents are in some kind of hell a lot of the time.
First up, when you have young children, there is such a thing as sleep deprivation. I am not joking when I say I haven’t slept through the night since I was about four months pregnant. My youngest child is now 15 months old – so, you do the maths.
There is a reason sleep deprivation is a form of torture.
Sleep is vital for our health and wellbeing, and when you’re not getting much of it, well, life can be a struggle. It’s perhaps no surprise then that around 68% of women and 57% of men with mental health problems are parents.
On top of that, you end up getting sick all the time (kids do love to pick up a butt-load of germs), you have to expend a lot of mental and physical energy keeping them from killing themselves (and each other), and that’s not even factoring in that society just isn’t really set up to help parents (more on that in a moment).
Lots Of Parents Do Regret Having Kids (Sometimes)
I found myself on a Reddit forum of ‘regretful parents’ yesterday and it’s no coincidence that many of the parents who suggested they regretted having kids were also parents of young children.
In fact, lots of parents said as their kids grew up and gained independence, went to childcare, and they got some of that all important me-time back, they no longer felt regret.
As a parent, especially a mum, if you admit that you don’t want to be with your kids 24/7, you’re usually asking for trouble. Case in point: former The Saturdays star Frankie Bridge recently got panned for having the audacity to go on a holiday with her best mate, sans kids.
The singer said some of the (quite frankly ludicrous) comments in response to her going away ranged from people telling her that she was “selfish” and “the worst parent” to asking “how does my husband feel about me going away on my own?”.
At the time, Frankie pointed to the very real double standards that women – especially mothers – face in comparison to men. Her husband Wayne Bridge has been on multiple holidays without their kids. Did anyone bat an eyelid? Of course they didn’t.
And Don’t Forget, Parents In The UK Are Up Against It
Chappell suggested she’s not sure if she wants kids, and that’s OK. As a child-free observer, she’s noticed that her friends who are parents of little ones are having a tough time. And that’s OK, too. They probably are.
While her pals are obviously in the US – and will face their own share of country-specific struggles – in the UK, statutory maternity and paternity pay is less than half the minimum wage. Self-employed dads don’t even get any of that pay. And it’s been reported that tens of thousands of mums, as well as thousands of fathers, potentially lose their jobs for simply becoming parents.
Parents are getting a bit more help now with childcare costs (and that is great) but bills – water, energy, council tax – are going up from today and single parents will be particularly impacted.
One quarter are rationing nappies, one in 10 are watering down baby formula, and two-thirds are prioritising housing costs over buying clothing and toys. One mum said: “We manage just about but it’s really difficult. We shop at the cheapest shop we can and use food banks.
“Things like nappies are so expensive, so I’ll try and stretch them out to 10 nappies every three days which is hard with a young baby.”
So yes, it’s safe to say parents of little ones (not all, but a fair few) are in hell.
I actually think it’s positive that people without kids are noticing that parents – and caregivers of young kids in particular – are struggling. Perhaps we can use Chappell’s comments as a springboard for change?
Take five minutes today to ask your mum or dad friend if you can take their kids for a bit (especially your single parent friends, they’ll need the respite even more), ask if you can come over and help them clean, offer to pick up their kids from nursery or school…
In a world that is increasingly isolated, divided and expensive, be the village they so desperately need right now.
Help and support:
- Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
- Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
- CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.
- The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email help@themix.org.uk
- Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.
