Celeste Barber has always felt like her brain ‘betrayed’ her

She’s celebrated around the world as an advocate for having a positive body image, her Instagram parodies reminding women not to buy into the ridiculous and unattainable beauty standards that pervade social media.

However, the 9.6 million followers Celeste has amassed since she burst into the public consciousness in 2015 may be surprised to learn that her inner battle is not with her body image. It’s with her brain.

“I feel like I’m not smart. That’s my biggest insecurity,” reveals Celeste, who has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD.

“I’ve just always thought that my brain has betrayed me, that it’s gotten in my way. It doesn’t let me enjoy my success, and I’m constantly going, ‘But what next, but what next?'”

Bullying ‘demolished her sense of self’

Celeste’s formative years growing up in northern NSW were marred by undiagnosed ADHD, resulting in her being badly bullied in high school and floundering academically.

Her loud, performative personality worked against her, annoying teachers who would often send her out of class, further impacting on her already fractured learning.

“I don’t think teachers realised I was struggling because it was [the] 90s and there was no awareness of neurodiversity then,” the comedian and actor tells Australian Story.

The social ramifications were equally damaging. During her first year of high school, a handful of the “popular girls” decided Celeste was to be outcast — “no-one was allowed to like me or talk to me” — a rejection that left her ridiculed and isolated.

For more than an entire year, she had no friends and was left with no choice but to endure endless psychological harassment.

The bullying “just demolished her sense of self”, says Celeste’s older sister, Olivia Barber-Hayes.

Because she internalised the criticisms, the impact on her self-esteem has been lifelong.

“You still question it,” Celeste says. “And then if something in life happens and it brings back that feeling, you’re like, ‘Oh, I knew it, I knew I was shit.'”

Yet the bullying also built resilience — a trait that would later fuel her metamorphosis from out-of-work actor to social media phenomenon.

“I think it was a double-edged sword — it really broke her, but at the same time it made her the person she is today,” says Celeste’s mother, Kath Barber.

“The fire was lit and she thought to herself, I’ll prove it to you that I can be liked. I may not be able to do it in the classroom, but I can be successful in what I want to do.”

Persevering through lonely school days, dancing and drama became a refuge. It was a place where Celeste was encouraged to lean into being performative and over the top, sparking a love of acting that would remain for life.

“Knowing what I wanted to do at such a young age saved me essentially,” she says.

But her greatest salvation was an ADHD diagnosis at the age of 16, with her describing the effect of ADHD medication Ritalin as “life-changing”.

Now a mother herself — to Lou, 13, and Buddy, 10 — her sons with husband Api Robin, Celeste defends parents who turn to medication for children grappling with the condition.

“People go, ‘Oh, you can’t just medicate your kids if they’re loud.’ There’s loud, and then there’s struggling — you have no idea how life-changing it can be.”

In Australia more than 1 million people have ADHD, with medication levels more than doubling in the past 5 years.

“We’re in a time now where so many people are getting diagnosed with ADHD later in life, and I get excited hearing them say they finally have answers,” Celeste says.

But the scars and shadows of her own experience prevent her from feeling the same relief.

“People say it’s a superpower, and I just don’t feel like that. I find that I’m kind of the opposite to that.”

Despite the complexity it has caused, those closest to Celeste are quick to point out that her ADHD and larger-than-life personality traits are also the genesis of her incredible worldwide success.

“The loudness now is just Celeste as she was at school, but celebrated now because of her difference,” her mother says.

By leaning into the same qualities that she was once ostracised for, Celeste has collected millions of supporters and built a multi-faceted career that involves live performance and acting.

In 2024 alone, she toured her third stage show, Backup Dancer, across Australia and 24 cities in the US and Canada, as well as appeared in the second series of Colin from Accounts and feature film Runt.

In between are the #ChallengeAccepted posts, the parodies of celebrities and models that after a decade are still hugely popular — even with the subjects themselves.

“Her content is really drawn from her life,” says supermodel Cindy Crawford, a fan and friend. “And I think that’s why it resonates so well.”

Finding her people: an era of love and loss

After finishing her bachelor of arts at the University of Western Sydney’s Theatre Nepean, Celeste began “working at a call centre with every other actor in the country” until she landed her first big gig in 2005, a guest role on TV medical drama All Saints.

While the role was pivotal to her CV, it also facilitated one of the most important friendships of her life.

All Saints star Mark Priestley “used to stride up to the producers and say, ‘You’ve got to use Celeste Barber more. She’s brilliant,'” says actor and playwright Kate Mulvany, Mark’s partner at the time.

Away from the set, Mark and Celeste became creative collaborators, writing and filming skits together.

The respected actor became a mentor for Celeste, who constantly doubted her ability. She recalls a particularly poignant conversation.

“Mark said to me, ‘You are the funniest person I’ve ever met and you not knowing that is really boring to me.’ And that changed everything.”

Yet in 2008, Mark lost the battle he had been fighting with chronic depression, and tragically took his own life.

The loss was enormous for Celeste, Kate and the cast of All Saints. The show was cancelled less than a year later, with Seven management blaming increased production costs.

Mourning the loss of her closest friend and her job, Celeste was supported by Api, a “quiet soul” and an arborist she had met and fallen in love with several years earlier while working at a pub in Sydney’s inner west.

“Apart from how fun she was, what really drew me towards Celeste was her emotional intelligence. I could see that early on,” Api says.

While their families describe the couple as “chalk and cheese” — Celeste says their union is something for which she will forever be grateful.

“You cannot break our bond, and so many things have tried. I’ve even tried with my craziness,” she admits.

“The thing we have always had, even when it’s been hard, is that we are desperately in love.”

When the pair met, Api was also a father to two young girls, Kyah and Sahra, meaning Celeste became a stepmum at the age of 21.

Unable to afford Sydney, they moved to the NSW Central Coast where Celeste juggled jobs as a dance teacher and waitress.

“They did it tough for a very long time,” Kath says.

Sons Lou and Buddy were born in the years that followed, and Celeste’s long-held dream of making it as an actor was put on hold while marriage and parenting four kids took priority.

But the desire for recognition still burned brightly for Celeste — Mark’s belief in her talent an encouraging memory.

“I remember her just saying, ‘Well, if I’m not going to get auditions or I can’t get work, I’ve got I’ve got to put myself out there,'” actor Harriet Dyer says.

#ChallengeAccepted: The fame game begins

In 2015, frustrated and fed up with the ridiculous beauty standards set by influencers and celebrities on Instagram, Celeste and her sister began sending each other the posts for laughs.

“I’d be sitting at home scrolling through Instagram seeing these hilarious photos of a gorgeous woman in activewear going, ‘Just heading to school drop off,'” Celeste says.

Olivia was quick to put forward a proposition. “I said, ‘Let’s show people what it’s really like.’ And then Celeste said, ‘Oh, challenge accepted.'”

And so began an unlikely career trajectory that would see Celeste rise from unemployed actor to internet sensation.

Her Instagram parodies of A-listers including Kim Kardashian and Bella Hadid quickly attracted millions of followers, leading to appearances on US talk shows with Jimmy Kimmel and Drew Barrymore.

While becoming the poster girl for body positivity had never been part of the plan, much of Celeste‘s popularity was due to the millions of women who finally felt represented on a platform that had become saturated with unattainable beauty and physical perfection.

“You can’t help but feel bad about yourself for not being able to match that,” Harriet says.

“And so then to see Celeste swoop in and parody it and remind you that it’s nonsense — I think that that is a really healing thing for women in our generation.”

Even the celebrities relate: “Social media puts pressure on women to keep up this perfect facade all the time,” Cindy Crawford says.

“I’m a 58-year-old woman and I still find myself falling into that trap. What Celeste does is empowering because she embraces all of it. And I think that that gives women permission to do that for themselves.”

While the content served as a confidence booster for her fans, it was also a win for Celeste.

“I think it’s the first time I felt smart because I flipped it,” she says.

Despite having captured the world’s attention on social media, Celeste had “no interest in being a social media star”.

Determined to prove she had the credentials to make it as a trained performer, she set about transferring her online popularity to real life.

Celeste’s first show at Sydney’s Giant Dwarf theatre in 2017 was a roaring success and quickly evolved into national, then international, tours.

Drawing on the adversity of her formative years, Celeste mined her experiences of being bullied and struggling with ADHD for laughs — to great effect.

Best friend and stage manager Thomas Campbell says when the shows started, Celeste began to take control of her career.

“It was incredible to watch,” he says. “She’s turned those days of bullying into art now and that’s been a big part of her shows.”

But the most resounding moment of vindication for Celeste came from US fashion designer Tom Ford, who invited her to do a parody collaboration for his 2018 show at New York Fashion Week.

“I went home that night after the show and just cried and cried,” she says.

“I felt like I had met him on his level.”

Celeste’s rise and befriending of the A-list has rankled some critics, who have accused her of becoming too much like the people she parodies.

Red carpet events, designer dresses and celebrity mates may contradict the ordinary-woman persona Celeste has built her brand on, but she’s not phased.

“Don’t hate the player, hate the game,” she says.

“My intention hasn’t changed, my morals haven’t changed. I’ll call out bullshit in an industry that makes women hate themselves.”

Pushing back on the sting of rejection

At the same time, Celeste struggles to turn down the volume on her inner critic, a recurrent theme that she workshops in regular therapy sessions.

And while being a full-time actor remains her dream, she struggles with the inevitable knocks that come with the entertainment industry.

While the harsh reality of rejection is common for all actors, people who have ADHD are likely to also experience rejection sensitive dysphoria, or RSD.

In Celeste’s case, the feeling of rejection is especially triggering.

When Netflix didn’t renew Wellmania, the 2023 series that Celeste starred in and executive produced, she was shattered.

“I think that was the one time I was concerned for her,” says her mother. “I didn’t know quite what she was going to do.”

“When that happened, I was like, I reckon my little love affair with this industry might be pushing it a bit,” Celeste admits.

But the rejection did force her to take stock of her situation.

“She needed a stream of income that was not so volatile and heartbreaking,” Olivia explains.

It led to Celeste developing a make-up brand targeted at women over 40.

These are women, Celeste says, who “just like in society and the industry I’m in, get forgotten about.”

Driving her own business has enabled Celeste to start backing herself, and the financial stability it offers “gives her confidence,” Api says.

“In the last year or so, a word I’ve started to use more is proud,” says Celeste, who still relies on ADHD medication Ritalin to help her pull focus amid a hectic touring schedule and family life with her two sons.

“And if it all disappeared tomorrow, I would be working as regional manager at Witchery, and my husband would open a cafe and we would be fine,” she says with a smile.

“But I’d still be writing and creating because I can’t sit still.”

Australian Story returns today at 8pm (AEDT) on ABCTV and ABC iview with Celeste Barber’s story “Unfiltered”.

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