Netflix / Cr. Courtesy Netflix © 2024
I naively breathed a sigh of relief when I found out I was having a boy back in 2021. With my pregnancy coinciding with the senseless murders of both Sabina Nessa and Sarah Everard mere miles from my house, the thought of bringing a girl into the world was too much for my anxiety to bear.
Yet there is an enormous weight of responsibility that comes with raising a son. And Netflix’s incredible drama Adolescence only serves as a harrowing reminder.
Starring Stephen Graham, the four-part series tells the story of 13-year old Jamie Miller as he’s arrested for the murder of his female classmate. It’s gripped the nation, not only with its superb acting and impressive one-shot filming technique, but its ability to shine a spotlight on incel culture and the radicalisation of men through online platforms.
As a mother of a toddler, Adolescence is a terrifying realisation that my son could one day be influenced by factors that exist outside of my loving home. I, along with countless others, have been left asking how I am supposed to navigate parenting in this modern world.
Experts Featured in This Article
Dr. Lalitaa Suglani, is an award-winning psychologist, leadership empowerment expert, international speaker, and author of the book High Functioning Anxiety. She has a mission to help others in their personal and professional life by understanding and accepting the emotions, attachments and relationships we hold.
Lorena Bernal is an internationally recognised life and spiritual coach, speaker and author dedicated to empowering individuals to reconnect with their inner wisdom and lead fulfilling purpose-driven lives. She is the author of the debut book It Starts With You, which is a powerful exploration of self-acceptance, intuition, and emotional freedom.
Natalie Costa is a parent coach, children’s coach and the founder of Power Thoughts, an educational programme and coaching service which is aimed at empowering children to tap into the ‘power’ of their minds. Throughout her 17-year career, she’s worked with over 50,000 children and hundreds of parents, helping them navigate the challenges of raising emotionally secure and confident kids.
Award-winning psychologist Dr Lalitaa Suglani insists that as emotional development starts from infancy, it’s never too early to take action. “Even before they can talk, babies pick up on tone, body language, and responses to distress,” she tells PS UK.
“Make sure from a young age they realise that feelings are okay, but it’s how we handle them that matters.”
“From toddlerhood, parents can start naming emotions, modelling self-regulation, and encouraging emotional conversations. If you’re dealing with a young child with big feelings, it’s important to acknowledge that. Tell them it’s ok to feel sad, angry or frustrated. Suggest talking about the emotion. Offer a hug or try to take deep breaths with them. Make sure from a young age they realise that feelings are okay, but it’s how we handle them that matters.”
Wellness expert and life coach Lorena Bernal, who is also the founder of the platform Live Love Better and author It Starts With You, says examining our own emotional responses is vital. “Children won’t necessarily process a lesson on emotional expression just because we explain it to them logically,” she says. “Instead, they absorb how we deal with sadness, stress, and frustration. Before teaching a child to regulate emotions, we must first examine how we regulate our own. If we suppress our emotions, hide them, or let them explode uncontrollably, we subconsciously teach them to do the same.”
Adolescence has resonated with so many, reaching 24 million views in just four days, hitting the number one spot on Netflix in countless countries. Graham was motivated to make the series due to the horrifying rise in male violence against women, notably the murders of Ava White and Elianne Andam. Prosecutors recently claimed the triple murderer Kyle Clifford was fuelled by the “violent misogyny” spewed by influencer Andrew Tate, and it’s spilt over into the classroom too – with a report by Vodafone finding that the majority of UK boys aged 11-14 have been exposed to misogynistic content, and 70% of teachers noting a rise in sexist language within classrooms.
Dr Suglani says while it may feel impossible to keep our kids safe from online influences in the modern world, we can teach them how to take a critical thinking approach to such radical notions. “Building emotional intelligence early may mean they don’t seek validation in the wrong places,” she says. “Teach them critical thinking and curiosity and help them analyse and question information they come across. Create open communication so they know they can come to you with difficult conversations. And build their confidence in problem-solving so they have trust in themselves and don’t seek external approval.”
Parenting and kids’ coach Natalie Costa says that taking an interest in our children’s online world is also helpful as it makes it easier to positively influence them. “We try to keep our children safe, but the reality is they invite strangers into their world through a screen when they’re in their bedrooms alone. If we show an interest in the content they view from an early age, it can start meaningful conversations about their world.”
“Our job is not to raise ‘perfect’ boys. It is to raise whole boys. Boys who grow into men who are strong not because they suppress their emotions, but because they understand and embrace them.”
While some parents may be feeling ridden with guilt over their child’s screen time or how they have discussed complex issues, Costa insists parents need to be kind to themselves in this new world that we’re navigating. “We’re the first generation raising children in an online space. It’s not about having the answers but about trying to be aware.”
Lorena agrees, adding: “We are not here to eliminate our child’s struggles but to equip them with the tools to navigate them. To show them, through our own actions, that strength and vulnerability are not opposites, that rejection and failure are not the end, and that love – consistent, unwavering love – is the foundation that will allow them to thrive. Our job is not to raise ‘perfect’ boys. It is to raise whole boys. Boys who grow into men who are strong not because they suppress their emotions, but because they understand and embrace them.”
Kat Romero is a freelance journalist and editor with over 14 years of experience across a wealth of national titles. She has a degree in journalism from Southampton Solent University and is also signed to Curtis Brown for her debut novel.
